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May. 26th, 2009

Hi. It' been a while.

I feel like I'm intruding on something now.
Is that stupid? Reading through things, I just got that feeling

I've been paper- journaling alot lately. I like the feel of pages under my fingers when i'm writing. Knowing that someday, i'm going to pull it out of a box, and it's going to be all dusty and wonderful. :) I love pasting in pictures. I love the look of my handwriting...
Ah. It just feels more real. When I write something down with a pen, it's like all of a sudden it really exists.
It's nice.

Hm. Maybe I will get back into this over the summer.
After camp. Yes. That will be a goal of mine.

But for now...
I'm just going to pretend that this is some sort of formal temporary ending to my LJ.
Until July...


Apr. 13th, 2009


Picking up sound on the interstate,
I am my breath, letting in waves.
There will be time when the sleep
I'm in covers me whole, covers me thin.
I know I'll wake up old,
forgetting which box this is in.
How I will keep you just how I left you.
Our daughter once told me I know a lot.
Now I'm strutting off with more than I've got.
A hitchhiker told me I don't talk a lot.
It made me feel fine, made me quiet.
If you'd of said it right
instead of painting words white

How I will keep you just how I left you.
Come on, say it right.

I love this song. It's so visual. I just imagine him dreaming, and walking along the interstate, and the wind flowing into his lungs, long and full. But it's not just the wind, it's like it's the whole world, it's the sound of the way the world works, in and out, in rythmic strokes. In and out.
He's crawling out of a spiderweb, and his face folds and wrinkles and cries with the movement. He touches it, he can't find himself, he can't find the papers, the box.
She becomes to him only what he can remember of her.
He's walking, and he's becoming to others, what they think of him. His listening to the world and he
becomes what he hears,  he believes it and he becomes what he hears.

Apr. 2nd, 2009

Comfort Food

Image and video hosting by TinyPic Click... music :)

I feel like I'm on the summit of something dark.
Something mindless, something beautiful.

I love this early morning feeling.
Soft, moldable, vulnerable, sweet, navy blue.
Little paddles tapping the tips of my fingernails, restless.
Feeling the sky above me through the roof.
Relaxed, oblivious, cold, rhythmic, whole.

I bet I catch the sunrise this time. :)

I have had this phrase stuck in my head for a long time:

- A vehemence so strong it wafted through the air and mingled with the smoke.

I need a charachter that is a smoker or I need to burn down dearborn street.
I like the latter?

Mar. 17th, 2009


(I have no words for how much I love this song.)

I went mulling around the short north today... it was nice. I wasn't really feeling up for an excellent day... just a solid, honest, good one.

I now officially know what a kumquat is.
They always puzzled me.

I feel like this is some sort of right of passage.
It is lovely.

Mar. 14th, 2009

(no subject)

I still haven't decided.
But maybe it's time to just let my skin breathe.
The whole world mignt not really be on my shoulders.
As much as it feels like that sometimes.
I'm going to try and treat it like it's simple.
Whatever happens, happens.

This is random:
I've got a red carnation sitting in a coke bottle on my kitchen table that I got on valentine's day. It hasn't even started to wilt yet. It's beautiful.
I think it's the synthetic sugars in the coke keeping it alive? haha

Mar. 12th, 2009


I'm still stuck in my funk.
Someone pull me out.
I've got that sore feeling in the back of my throat like i'm about to cry, all of the time.
I can't make this decision.
It's my whole world.
If I choose wrong I'm going to fuck up my whole wolrd.
Shitbucket. I can't do this.

Mar. 7th, 2009

I'm sick...

Not literally. I just feel ache-y all over.
My brain is sick?
But i'm not crazy...
oh, wow. I really can't express myself today.
That song doesn't go with this entry either. grr..

Feb. 22nd, 2009

Conor + 12 Smiles + D.St Edits (ie, not studying for history)

NEW CONOR OBERST ALBUM coming on May 5th. That's 67 days, i think? I'm excited.


Apparently some lady wrote a book that was jut a gigantic list of dozens and dozens of things that made her smile. I thought that was kind of sweet. Sometimes i like smiling more than laughing. That sounds strange  coming out of my mouth. But a good smile is warm and sunny and wholesome feeling. It's like a picnic for you lips? Haha. That made no sense. Anyway. 12 Smiles.

1. Upstate New York: old barns, silos, too-long grass falling over your legs in the wind, cornfields, apple trees, grape-vines, fireflies, violets, cows, crows... all of it. :]
2. Books.
3. Wonka Brand Candy.
4. Sweaters.
5. Dried Blueberries.
6. Gingham. Anything Gingham. And vintage florals. Heck, anything with a pattern.
7. Gunky Brass Jewlry.
8. Broken Alarm Clocks.
9. When, at about 4:00, the sun is just starting to set, and it lights up everything from behind. The way the fuzz on people's hair looks like a halo. That's my favorite.
10. Those little baby two-note chords. I don't even know what they're called, but i absoloutely love them, haha.
11. Vignettes.
12. Sandals. And Boats. I love the water.

Oohhh my, that was idealistic. But i've been feeling cheesy lately, and i've been enjoying it. :]

And speaking of cheesy... (don't read this)Collapse )

Feb. 5th, 2009

(no subject)

Standalone player << Pop-Out Player. (click)

If something is the kind of thing that you would, under normal circumstances, think is bad, but when it happens, it actually has alot of good things about it-
then, what are you supposed to think about it? 

I hate that everything that is supposed to be good or fun or interesting or normal is actually exactly the opposite of that, and that everything that's supposed to suck is always the stuff that is actually what I value most.


Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something's supposed to be fun, it's usually not.
Ted: Right. So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date...
Coat Check Girl: ...Well, we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
Ted: Sounds awful. It's a date.

(How i met your mother S1)

Feb. 4th, 2009

(no subject)

Stars Of Leo/ M. Ward

i sounded obnoxious in the last post, so i deleted it.

but i really really really like this song so i'm going to keep this up.

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